| | Strength surprises. Her exhibitionist style, flaunting herself; skin exposed to the wind. Mysterious. When and where. She too needs sleep. | comments: Leave a comment   |
| I'm surprising myself by writing this. I was engaged in a great internal debate with myself for quite some time. At odds were two convinctions I feel fairly strongly about. At the core of this battle: love. Love for high and love for human.
I must say I gave myself a great challenge. The wrestling match often changed leads and points were scored almost at will on both sides of the board.
I have friends whom I love on both ends of a widely divided spectrum. Friends whose opinions I respect, and whose ideas provoke thought from me. I struggled with the notion of potentially disagreeing with a force not to be disagreed with. Finally I concluded that I wasn't disagreeing with that power at all. If anything I was embracing it.
As a unified body, we have set out to live representative of love. Doing so we live among ideas and beliefs, customs and taboos, which we may or may not understand, but with which we have great disagreement. It's not a matter of being closed minded, it's a matter of our mind being made up. However our deicsions to act must be representative of love. Regardless of our convictions love must be the root of all our decisions.
It is not against the law to engage in beliefs which conflict with our own. Bowing on a rug, wailing at a wall, serenely seated with legs cross and a gentle hum escaping from our lips; we do not try to legislate. Regardless that each ritual is against the idea and hope we have placed our lives in. No attempt to regulate or force disengagement comes across the docket. If in the eyes of One each back turned is as painful as the next, if no waivering from the path yields greater anguish than any other, why then is it condonable to elevate one path to love as being more inappropriate than the other?
We do not need to condone it. We do not need to agree with it. We do not need to enjoy it. We do not need to accomodate it.
We do need to love. We do need to accept. We do need to cherish and take care of. We do need to walk side by side.
We are sailing in the same ship admist the same rough seas. Division does nothing but allow evil to conquer. Our walk does not include ostracising those whose path follows a different moon.
If we don't do it with a different hope, why would we do it with a different love? | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | I haven't written a new full song in probably a month. That sort of depresses me. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| A little girl, whom I've named Darling Delilah, made my day yesterday. As I stood in line at a bulk buying warehouse owned by some dude named Sam who I believe wields a Club, Darling D decided to tug at my heart strings. I peer down to see her little tiny frame wrapped in diapers staring up at me with this fluffy puff of brunette hair and beautiful brown eyes as big as the sun. Her hands outstretched towards me, begging for comfort. Concerned about how her parents might react, I hesitated to pick up the child. Finally after contemplating "what if her parents aren't around and she wandered away?" I pick her up. Her mom walks over smiling, much to my relief, and says to darling delilah "now you know you're not supposed to go walking up to strangers honey. but thank the man for being so nice." Darling Delilah smiles sweetly back at her mother, who then reaches for her daughter. The girl, much to comfortable in my arms, does an abrupt about face, burying her little noggen into my shoulder. Ummmm....sorry mom? I finally hand back the girl to her mother, and Darling Delilah begins to BAWL. I mean niagra falls streaked down her face.
It warmed my heart. One of the cutest experiences to ever befall me for sure. I then began to ponder why the situation occured? Is she just an exploratory toddler? Do I remind her of her daddy (who happened to be standing with mom as well)? I'm just really glad she didn't call me daddy. yikes. Then I thought, maybe she was trying to escape the evil realm of her parents!! Even then there's nothing I can do, but enjoy Darling Delilah and mines brief embrace.
It made me want to be a father.
In the daytime.
For like two minutes...until the diaper began to feel warm.
Darling Delilah, this is to you. I wish you a happy life, free of painful teething and diaper rash.
Cheers.
~vman | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | I just bought another pair of rediculously expensive jeans. Juicy Couture. My friend Carly but it best. Seven's, Ben Sherman, Lucky, Juicy Couture...I'm a designer whore. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| New Song!!!
It's called One. It's a biographical account of my brother and his wife, beginning from when he knew he loved her all the way through their wedding.
With the swell of the tide
Arose the breath of a life
One joined from once two apart
Been brought far in miles
To ten feet of hope
Now the water holds the key to love
You and I, we’ve come so far along and we overcome it all with our love
One last lone ride.
From now on forever love
Together love shall share the sky
Hope is struck with eyes like rain
Peace brought forth from the laughter of a song
No morrow love than a fool’s new heart
Sealed with a kiss to you my heart I give
You and I we’ve come so far along and we’ve overcome it all, with our love.
With the swell of the tide, arose the breath of our life.
We’ve been joined, never again to be apart
We’ve been brought far
From miles afar from miles afar
to this ten foot board of hope
Now forever on we hold strong , our love.
You and I we’ve come so far along and we’ve overcome it all. No more just you, no longer just I. Only us. Our love. One Love.
~Ben~ | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Lethargy sucks. I'm bloody tired and I did nothing but lay around all day. It was nice though, the first day I've had to stay indoors all day in a long time. Between Starbucks, school, and the few days I've spent filming on VM I haven't had a day to just chill. It's been nice. I'm headed back to NYC in a few weeks. It will be bittersweet...fun to see all my friends at school, yet sad because I'm taking back the last of my stuff out of the dorms. It's officially over my first stint of college in the big apple. hopefully I can find someplace not quite as pricey at SJU and I can head back out there. Oh well we shall see. In other news I got asked to be on a production team of a play that's running at a theater by my house. I guess it's good. It gets my names around to folks even though i'd be more into the acting thing than the production part but we shall see.
Take care...I've got some songs to write.
~Ben~ | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Man oh man. Busy times. The past couple of days I spent on the set of the show Veronica Mars. Just background/extra work nothing too big. Although yesterday I go promoted to stand in which is I mimmick to movement of the actor so they can get the lighting and camera work all right. My pay went from 54 dollars to 137 bucks so that's fucking awesome! The day before I was in a classroom scene there were only like 4 or so extras in there and I happened to be sitting right next to Kristen Bell, the lead actress who plays Veronica. Needless to say they were long days shooting, but it's all good it's worth it. Anywho I'm off to work soon. Later ladies and gents. Oh and I've got a show this Saturday if you're interested comment or e-mail me or something and I'll give you the details.
peace and love
~Ben | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| Hey y'all--
I've been away for a while but I'm back with a vengeance..look for an update on my life happenings real soon. in the meantime this saturday the 17th i'm playing at twiggs coffeehouse...leave a comment if you'd like more details! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| there is one girly here who has captivated me beyond belief. She has fueled my interest more so than any other member of the opposite sex ever has. There's a majesty about her I can't describe. It's odd because she's beautiful, but not the most beautiful girl in the world. There's just some wonderful simplicity about her. I started with a song about it with the first lines going something like "there's some kind of mystique, a beautiful intrigue about you". I think that's what has got the captivation rocking. I can't quite get her. I suppose this is what people always refer to when talking of the game and the chase. Never before have I thought myself one for the chase, but with this girl everything is so unsure that it always has me searching out the true meaning. I guess though I becoming a little weary of the competition. She eludes me so, with signals of varying stories. We had a few wonderful conversations over break, and even some more here. The first weekend I got to NY in august/september is when we met and things began there. Only now though have things progressed to the phone talking stage. But does that really mean anything? Why is it I can be so good at analyzing people and there situations but when it comes to the one who I really want to know the most about I am completely at a loss. That frustration keeps me going. But now I just want to know. Regardless of the answer, I just want to know, do you want to pursue something or just chill at where we are. Where we are is fine and satisfactory, but I think something more would also be infinitely more rewarding. HMmm I feel so lost.
Listen to music it brightens your brain!
~Ben~ | | comments: Leave a comment |
| SATURDAY JANUARY 8TH 5-7PM HOT MONKEY LOVE CAFE. SIX DOLLARS. MY SHOW INFORMATION. I'D LOVE FOR YA'LL TO COME. HOPEFULLY I WILL SEE YOU GUYS THERE..
~BEN~ | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | IT'S SNOWING LIGHT BEAUTIFUL FLUFFY POWDER SNOW!!! I KNOW IT GETS BETTER, BUT IT'S STILL GREAT. ADIL AND MYSELF MADE A GIANT SNOW PENIS, AND IT HAPPENED TO BE POINTING TOWARDS THE VINCENTIAN RESIDENCE (CATHOLIC PRIESTS). OOOPS!! WE GOT PICS SO WHEN I GET THEM I'LL PUT THEM UP!! I'M SO GOING TO HELL...BUT DAMN IT MY LIFE WAS WORTH IT!!
~Ben~ | | comments: Leave a comment |
|
I hang on every word/that drips from you heavenly lips/I’m baptized in your phrase/mesmerized by your elegant ways/A slave to your kiss/I lay imprisoned by the touch you give/and if I’m to be placed behind bars/let the cage the surrounds me be made of your arms.
You’re my warden as I am enraptured you have captured my heart
I’m a prisoner of you
You’ve got the key to unlock my dreams to set me free
I’m a prisoner of you
There’s a chain/ around my neck in your eye/s where I strain when you turn away/ just for one gaze/
just a little piece I'm working on. Hopefully it will be ready to go for my show. January 8th Hot Monkey Love Cafe, 5:00pm come on out and show your support.
now for the real entry
I don't think I have any sensation in my ears any longer. Aside, from the oh so eye pleasing black coloration, I believe I might be suffering the symptoms of FROSTBITE. I miss my San Diego weather. Shit even the 60 or 50 degree weather. They trick you out here, tell you it's 50 degrees, but what they decide to hide in the depths of the fine print is that there is a windchill which makes it feel 39 as opposed to 50. But hey I'd take that over this 27 feels like 11 crap I've got to suffer through at the time being. Only a few more days until I can ride the waves, drive my car and best of all play with my cat! How I miss that damn ball of fur. My mom said she bought C.C. new jewelry and she jingles even louder when she runs. That damn cat with her jungle belly that touches the floor and that bell ringing when she runs into my room, is an experience of love I miss more than any girlfriend who's mom has been pissed and made us break up.
I've decided I've met the cuuuuutest person in the world. That would be my little cleaning lady. She's the most kind hearted belle, God has ever made the wise choice of creating. I am creating a flyer for my show, and my mother IM"s today (most weird experience in the world, chatting with your parents on the computer...fucking trips me out man) and says Soy Vicki (yes she's a little mexican lady), is feverishly requesting the masterpiece that is my informational paper regarding me singing my songs on stage. Also, when I first left I had packed my room all up, and when she came to clean for the first time, she scolded my poor mother for making me do that. She proceeded to clean my room and unpack everything saying it must be all ready for me when I get back. So she does that and my mom shows her pictures of me in college, and Vicki begins to cry. How bloody sweet is that? I truly have been blessed with the presence of great people.
On that note. Thanksgiving was absolutely fantastic. I saw SNOW FALL for the first time!!! On thanksgiving nonetheless, if it can't be Christmas, Thanksgiving is the next best thing. I was at my friends John, who looks strikingly like Clay Aiken (you can see for yourself he'll be out in San Diego for my show), and him and his sister and his parents absolutely made me feel like a part of their family. My pals here at St Johns make things bearable. My people back home keep me grounded. Kesley Nugent, is awesome, we talk usually once or twice a week, which is more than I talk to most other folks. This chapter of exploration is a rather intense and frightful one, but with love like that surrounding your heart, you feel protected from all the evil manifestations trying to tear you away from beauty or greatness. People like my girls Emma and Tara, who went to TRL with me, where I met Ashlee Simpson, and Johnny Mayer. Wow I sound like I'm accepting a bloody award. Time to move on.
So close to being home and seeing the familiar sites. It shall be a little bit on the odd side, being away from my dorm room for so long, and my college friends. This first semester, has been one of academic exploration, failure, transgression and realization. Socially, it's been the greatest 4 consecutive months I've seen in my 19 years of existence. It hits you hard when you realize you're from San Diego California, but you're laying your head on a pillow in New York City, attending a major university. The blessings of life. I hope everyone get's to explore the beauty of living in a place that is new and different, but just as exciting as that which they've experienced their entire life.
listen to music it makes your brain happy.
this entry sucked
~Ben~ | | comments: Leave a comment |
| in case you wanted to see..
http://www.ashleesimpson.net watch both her TRL performance and the TRL interviews. I may look retarded. But I don't care I was super stoked. Notice her offering up the high five, not me offering it to her!
~Ben~ | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | I held Ashlee Simpson today; my arms around her, her arms around me. I shook hands and spoke with John Mayer. I also talked to Carson Daly and compared tattoos with La La. It was a good day. Longer entry to come soon!!
~Ben~ | | comments: 11 comments or Leave a comment |
| JANUARY 8TH. HOT MONKEY LOVE CAFE. 5 P.M. I GO ON STAGE. IF YOURE INTERESTED LEAVE A COMMENT OR IM ME AND ILL GIVE YOU MORE INFO.
LOVE
~BEN~ | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| Again this morning I woke up due to my roomate at 4:00 a.m. However this was of a different manner. I woke up, initially to the sound, then to the visual stimulus of him standing in the middle of the floor urinating. Yes he was peeing on the floor, and all over two of my other roommates bag. I didn't really know what to do. I woke up my other roomate who began yelling, and pisser started to tell yelling roomy to relax man relax. He didn't realize really what he did he was so drunk, he decided to walk to his closet and back where he slipped in his own urine and nearly face planted. Upset he proceeds to ask what was on the floor and we told him it was his urine. Needless to say he didn't believe us at first, then realized what had happened. The beauties of cohabitation in college.
On to a lighter note. I've been sleeping more. My dreams have been fantastic I'm sure, but I don't remember them. Maybe they're of sweet smelling flowers, or ocean spray breezing my face as I push past a wave. In reality they're probably of me getting chased by a gigantic bunny rabbit in my underwear. Or worse, of my roomate peeing on our floor. I don't know whether or not to be embarassed, certainly if it was my stuff to have the lovely waste all over it, but I struggle with my embarrassment.
FYI NEW YORK COLD FUCKING SUCKS. It bites like Barq's root beer. I butchered that name, forgive if representatives see this. I don't know why they would, but I'd like to think I'm that important. I'm not self indulged just have wishful cognition. The air stings, my ears feel like they would fall of if they were hit with anything, like the jerseys in the third mighty ducks movie. SABOTAGE!!!
OH man oh man oh man its crazy out here. I got my haircut and its really really short I love it. It's still with scissors and all but its about as short as you can go with scissors. I enjoy it. Positive reactions from others as well. Now I must go out and face to cold with shorter hair. OH well I shall man it out. I'm soooo not that tough, but I like to talk big to make myself believe I can handle the cold. Hopefully it will payoff and I'll have no probably with the cold water when I come home during winter break and surf, like you know I am going to.
Now I shall leave you to finer things. I've got to wake up at 6 am on sunday morning for open house since I am a student ambassador. I have to give tours to all the little senior high school kiddies who want to come to St. Johns. Lovely.
listen to music it makes your brain happy.
LOVE YOU ALL...most of you all
~Ben~ | | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
| I am desperately trying to become a morning person. Granted these past couple of weeks I have eaten more breakfast than I probably ever have in all my 18 years of existence. This happening was not due to choice, but the widely known roommate malfunction I have. But as I sit here drinking a hot cup of Joe from the University "Java City" and some Milano Mints, I find myself desiring to maximize my days, and waking up early is the first step to Carpe Diem. I suppose this is also motivated by the fear of how my first semester will turn out. As consequence to my misfortune in the living and sleeping department, many classes have been slept to as I haven't been able to fall asleep until after my light happy roomate falls asleep circa 5 A.M. The first semester may not turn out as well as desired.
On another note, living in New York, brings out so many new experiences, and I'm beginning to believe we possess more than five senses. I see these crazy colors here. On the ground under my feet crunch these oddly shaded leaves falling from trees. They must be diseased, in the most beautiful manifestation of the word. In California, well Southern California, we know leaves to be brown and green, maybe occasionally yellow. Here I see these enigmatic ambers, and reds, and vivid gorgeous colors. People tell me it's an anomaly referred to as "Autumn". Interesting, new words all the time, and to think I thought I had a decent grasp on the English language. Along, with these strange rapids of color, folks here are definitely unique. I walked by a girl on my way to my cozy room, who had on shoes like the fella's in Dumb and Dumber do when they get out of their lamborghini in front of the hotel on colorado. I'm telling you these shoes looked like a weave for the feet. I wanted to ask her where she found those awesome concoctions, but I thought twice about that. I suppose the frigid New York air has some to do with the decision to put long haired dogs on her feet, because they certainly were not pleasing to the sense of sight. Hence my belief in more than five senses. There must be a physiological process I am missing. Daily I am amazed at the audacity of people out here. Such I suppose is the diversity of America. America the beautiful, even if it's the beautifully tragic.
So as I listen to my newly downloaded Dave Matthews songs, I also admire the wonder of the internet. I through my allegiance to Senor Matthews, have found the means to obtain music from certain shows he's played. Through his gracious allowance, attendees of his concerts are allowed to audio-tape the shows. At the current moment I am listening to the 1-14-04 show complete with goat penis talk and everything. For those of you who know this show was a rather important show for me and others, along with the fact it's one of the best Dave shows, even though it's not the full band. I also have at my disposal multiple videos of guitar man guitarring it up. The other night I had the pleasure of running across a video of him playing "Satellite" with the Richmond Symphony. The wood and steel he had on his lap, was none other, than the exact model Takamine guitar I played. I do believe I almost reached orgasm at this sight. Five senses? Please. If I decide to stick with this medicine deal, maybe I'll have to examine my disbelief of what we have been told about being able to see or hear dead people.
As much as my time with you is cherished, my time now must be focused about learning how much of my friends, are crazy. Or at least who is bipolar. I'll leave it at that. No names mentioned for I LOVE YOU ALL. Listen to music, it brightens your brain.
~Ben~ | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | dave matthews band- "what would you say" | | Time: | 09:48 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/growf/pengies/sad.gif) melancholy |
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| ok so the day i put up the big post about being strong and not missing jessica, when I close my eyes I can't escape visions of her. things were so good, especially when we turned things around there at the end. i'm at the point somehow today where the memories aren't comforting but rather bring water trails down my cheeks because i miss them so dearly. how i did cherish those times. i'm going through the classic will I ever find someone who's lips cover mine so well, who's body wraps just right in my arms, who's beauty keeps me silenced again. i went through the same deal with katie, so i know that it will come AGAIN. i just wonder if she still loves me? why i don't know i know i shouldn't but i am powerless against these thoughts. i can sit behind my guitar but my mind is too clouded to express. i miss the feeling of love, and it kills even more to not know if i love someone who doesn't love me. and i'm sure ya'll get what i mean in how i love her not as in the i'm still with her love but as in my heart still has devotion to her. regardless of the girls i meet here and anyone i may come into physical contact with my emotional connection wires have remained fried with tears and i've yet found an electrician to repair those frenzied wires. it's so weird how this whole time i have remained free of pain or of longing for her until i put it down in writing for all to see.
what am i saying? does it make any sense? i suppose it does in my head but i am unsure as to the clearity of my speech. i don't know why i told ya'll this.
i'm going to try to sleep now.
~Ben~ | | comments: Leave a comment |
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